The Biggest Mistake Families Make When They "Wait"
About a year-and-a-half ago, I was working with someone who just wanted to wait. They insisted “dad’s fine, he even is still driving and he’ll refuse to go.” and he’ll hate everything about one of those places.
I understood and we left it at that.
A few months later, in mid-July, she got a call from a neighbor that her dad was on her porch in full-winter Bronco gear. He was upset because he’d be late for the game.
Upon returning home, she drove with him to his house and all of the power was off and there were a bunch of space heaters on full blast, the faucet running, and the rest of the house looked like a fight had happened. Come to find out, her dad had been up all night “fighting a neighbor over some stolen gold and turned off the power to make sure he couldn’t trip the security system.”
Problem was, there was no neighbor, no gold, and no security system.
He was up all night, which in my opinion, made his delerium worse and affected his nervous system and brain. Thus, the Bronco and weather confusion.
Sitting together later that night, we talked through all of the options and how we’d talk to him about it. We even called his landlord.
It was obvious he was no longer safe in the home by himself and we decided right there, it was time to make a decision.
We talked to him the next day and the room got quiet. Finally, he perked up and said, “let’s go to one with a pool.”
This series of events have stuck with me as I hear some version of it all the time.
To be clear: I'm not against waiting.
In fact, I recommend waiting all the time.
There are situations where selling immediately would be the wrong decision. There are times when keeping the house provides valuable breathing room, and there are times when renting makes more sense than either selling or keeping.
Waiting isn't the problem…Waiting without a purpose is.
The Question I Wish More Families Would Ask
When a family tells me,
"We're just going to wait."
I almost always want to ask one question:
What are you waiting for?
That question isn't meant to pressure anyone. It's meant to create clarity.
If the answer is:
"We're waiting to see whether Mom adjusts to assisted living."
"Dad is in rehabilitation, and we don't know if he'll return home."
"We're meeting with an elder law attorney next month."
"We're waiting for probate to be completed."
Those are reasons to wait.
But if the answer is simply,
"We're just not ready."
then the next question becomes:
What would help you feel ready?
Time Doesn't Solve Problems. It Creates Opportunities.
One of the biggest misconceptions I see is the belief that time itself makes decisions easier.
Sometimes it does.
More often, it's what families do during that time that changes everything.
Time gives you the opportunity to:
Gather better information.
Talk with siblings.
Understand your parent's long-term care needs.
Meet with financial or legal professionals.
Learn what selling, renting, or keeping the home would actually involve.
Without those conversations, six months from now often looks remarkably similar to today.
Waiting Should Move You Toward Something
I've started thinking about waiting differently.
Instead of asking,
"Should we wait?"
try asking,
"What do we hope to know six months from now that we don't know today?"
If you can answer that question, waiting probably has a purpose.
If you can't, the calendar may be changing while the decision stays exactly the same.
Give Waiting a Finish Line
One of the simplest things families can do is decide when they'll revisit the conversation.
Maybe it's after three months.
Maybe it's after six.
Maybe it's after your parent's next medical appointment.
Whatever the reason, put it on the calendar.
When that date arrives, ask yourselves:
What have we learned?
Has anything changed?
Does keeping the house still make sense?
Is there new information that points us toward selling, renting, or continuing to wait?
Waiting becomes much more productive when it has a checkpoint instead of an undefined ending.
The Goal Isn't to Make a Faster Decision
It's to make a better one.
Sometimes the right decision really is to wait.
But waiting should be an intentional strategy, not the absence of one.
I've found that families feel less overwhelmed when they know why they're waiting and what they're hoping to accomplish during that time.
That's very different from simply hoping the decision will somehow become easier.
Final Thoughts
Every family reaches this point differently.
Some are dealing with a recent diagnosis.
Some are adjusting to assisted living.
Some are sorting through decades of memories in a house that suddenly feels very quiet.
There is nothing wrong with needing time.
Just make sure your time has a purpose.
Because waiting isn't the opposite of making a decision.
It's one of the decisions.
And like every other decision, it's most helpful when you know why you're making it.
Related Reading
The True Cost of Keeping a Parent's Home