How to Help a Parent Right-Size Without Conflict

There’s a moment in this process where everything slows down. Maybe, you open a drawer, or a closet, or a box that hasn’t been touched in years…

And suddenly you’re not dealing with objects anymore - you’re dealing with a lifetime.

Why This Gets Emotional Quickly

There is one thing I have learned; everything can have emotions tied to it. I have seen grown men cry over a frying pan while casually throwing away family photo albums. This is because, literally, anything and everything has a story.

The stories attached to those items don’t always line up with the urgency of the moment. Something that I would pass over and put into a give-away pile is the same that another person may put in a family-treasure box. This is why I have learned that I must take a step back and let the family “feel!” This is not in the literal sense (although often it is), but they need to relive a moment, remember a party, or just make sure it doesn’t mean anything.

It may take them a while to get to the exact point I came to instantly, but they got there by themself.

What Usually Doesn’t Work

Some people try to do everything at once - I am one of those people. It took me a while to realize that I cannot treat a home like a checklist instead of a transition. Yes, it does get some things done faster; however, faster isn’t always better. Better is taking the time to be respectful of the items, no matter how insignificant it could be to someone.

What Works Better

By slowing things down, you can be thorough with the emotions and memories tied to items. Granted, a kitchen full of old food can be taken care of quickly and efficiently. That’s why I like to start with small things that can be replaced. Cabinets full of cleaning supplies or almost anything else under a sink can be donated or thrown out.

I know full well that eventually throwing out windex will start a fight.

I like to take a step back and see how life was lived in the homes. By letting the stories happen before the decisions, the stories outrank the decisions and things can be

Because once someone feels heard, the rest tends to move a little easier.