The “In Between” Stage With Mom or Dad
There is a stage of aging that many families experience but struggle to describe.
It is not a full-blown crisis, but it also does not feel completely normal anymore.
Something just feels… different.
Maybe your mom:
repeats stories - usually older, longer stories,
is more overwhelmed than usual - the house is filthy,
gets frustrated more easily - gets angry with laundry
Learn the Science behind the Feeling Something Isn’t Right
And yet…
something feels different.
Or maybe your dad:
acts differently at social events - wanders off during dinner
struggles with things that once felt simple - texting
insist they are “fine” - even when something clearly feels off
Often, families notice these changes long before they can clearly explain them, which can be emotionally exhausting
Simple Answer
The stage is the space between complete independence and obvious crisis when families notice
isolation
medication mistakes
falls
forgotten conversations
increased confusion
emotional changes
What exactly is the “In-Between” Phase?
Why This Stage Feels So Emotionally Confusing
The difficult part about the “in between” stage is that your mom or dad may still seem mostly like themselves. Everything feels manageable.
They may even still…
drive
live independently
hold conversations
cook meals
socialize normally at times
Then, you’re reminded that something isn’t quite right…
They call with a question and it turns into a confusing conversation,
Dad is paranoid about his neighbors, or
Mom gets lost on a walk.
Suddenly, you’re reminded again that…
Something IS Wrong
The good days are followed by bad.
One visit goes great and the next is a struggle.
You don’t hear from them for days and you don’t know whether to feel good or bad.
That emotional back-and-forth becomes exhausting.
Learn more about why this is an emotional roller-coaster
Normal Aging vs. Signs That May Need Attention
You’re analyzing every behavior and word because you’re not sure if this is the new them now or if you need to be concerned
Memory & Mental Sharpness
Normal Aging:
Occasionally forgetting names or appointments but remembering them later.
Red Flag:
Repeating the same question, forgetting recent conversations, or placing items in unusual locations.
Managing the Home & Daily Tasks
Normal Aging:
Needing occasional help with technology or more complicated tasks.
Red Flag:
Missing medications, neglecting bills, leaving appliances running, or struggling with familiar routines.
Communication & Language
Normal Aging:
Occasionally struggling to find the right word or briefly losing track of a conversation.
Red Flag:
Frequently stopping mid-sentence, using incorrect words repeatedly, or struggling to communicate familiar thoughts clearly.
Find out more about changes in communication and language
Navigation & Safety
Normal Aging:
Temporarily forgetting the day of the week or taking a wrong turn in an unfamiliar area.
Red Flag:
Getting lost on familiar routes or becoming disoriented in familiar places.
Mood & Social Connection
Normal Aging:
Becoming more set in routines or occasionally wanting more quiet time.
Red Flag:
Withdrawing from hobbies, isolating from family and friends, increased anxiety, paranoia, or major emotional shifts.
Behavior & Personality Changes
Normal Aging:
Occasionally becoming more stubborn, impatient, or resistant to change.
Red Flag:
Sudden inappropriate comments, impulsive behavior, loss of social awareness, aggression, or dramatic personality changes that feel out of character.
Learn more about behavior and personality changes in older adults.
Find out more about the question: Is this normal?
This Stage Can Last Much Longer Than Families Expect
Unfortunately, many people assume decline happens quickly. You may think that a doctor will notice something on a visit and diagnose them with something - Alzheimer’s, dementia, etc.
Their behaviors change and and go unnoticed for months or even years because you may not even know what you’re looking for
You may even be in constant monitoring mode. You’re always...
Watching,
Evaluating,
Second-guessing, and
Trying to determine whether life is stable or quietly shifting
Find out the science why it’s so emotionally exhausting
Why Mom or Dad Often Resist Conversations During This Stage
One of the most frustrating parts for families is hearing:
“I’m fine.”
Even when things clearly do not feel fine.
Usually, this is not about stubbornness alone.
They’re…
Simple Answer
They can because you’re likely doing the same
embarrassed,
afraid,
frustrated,
angry,
anxious, and
probably having a hard time realizing the changes themselves
Sometimes avoiding the conversation feels emotionally easier than facing what may be changing.
Understanding that resistance often comes from fear, not defiance, completely changes these conversations.
Do you know the science behind why they resist?
Families Usually Start Quietly Compensating
By no fault of their own, you will constantly do this during the in-between stage. You’ll slowly begin…
Find out why it’s not your fault
Usually it happens gradually enough that nobody initially realizes how much has changed.
Instead, eventually you notice and say…
“I feel like I’m helping all the time now.”
helping with finances
checking medications
repeating information
monitoring appointments
handling technology
or visiting more often.
What Usually Helps Most
Simple Answer
Slowing down, getting everyone on the same page, focus on their safety above all else
You do not need immediate answers.
You need help
noticing patterns instead of isolated incidents
focusing on safety instead of winning arguments
documenting concerns over time
involving siblings or trusted support people
starting conversations earlier than feels necessary
creating small plans before larger crises happen
You don’t need to solve everything immediately. You must stop pretending nothing is changing.
Common Questions People May Ask
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Not all memory changes or emotional shifts mean dementia. Some changes are part of normal aging, while others may deserve closer attention. text goes here
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Repeitive stories can happen with normal aging occasionally, but increasing repetition may sometimes signal deeper memory or processing difficulties.
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Many parents minimize changes because they fear losing independence, creating worry for their family, or admitting something feels different.
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Aging, isolation, stress, medical conditions, medication changes, grief, and cognitive decline can all subtly affect personality and behavior over time.
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Safety concerns often begin gradually through missed medications, falls, confusion, driving concerns, or difficulty managing the home.
Not Sure What the Next Step Should Be?
You do not need certainty to begin paying attention.
And you do not need to figure all of this out alone.
Sometimes families simply need help understanding:
what may be happening
what changes matter most
and what practical next steps to consider
Whether your family is beginning conversations, exploring safer living situations, or simply trying to make sense of what you are seeing, having a plan can make this stage feel less overwhelming.
Develop your plan with the Right-Sizing Guide