The “In Between” Stage With Mom or Dad
this may be the hardest stage emotionally for most families.
Not because things are clearly terrible, but because they’re not definitely “OK” either
Your mom or dad still mostly seem like themselves, but there are some things that aren’t right
They’re still…
living at home
having conversations
making jokes
going to dinner
and talking about everyday life.
And yet…
something feels different.
That emotional contradiction creates what I think many families quietly experience as:
the “In-Between stage.”
Simple Answer
The stage is the space between complete independence and obvious crisis
This is usually when families begin noticing:
repeated stories
increased confusion
emotional changes
isolation
medication mistakes
falls
forgotten conversations
or simply the feeling that something feels “off.”
Find out more about that feeling?
What exactly is the “In-Between” Phase?
It is the stage where:
concerns are growing
uncertainty is constant
but life still appears mostly functional from the outside.
Why This Stage Is So Emotionally Confusing
Your mom or dad often still seem mostly normal.
Everything feel manageable…
They’re doing things around the house they normally do;
Dad may still be driving, or
Mom still gets together with friends.
Then, you’re reminded that something isn’t quite right…
They call with a question and it turns into a confusing conversation,
Dad is paranoid about his neighbors, or
Mom gets lost on a walk.
Suddenly, you’re reminded again that
something IS wrong
The good days are followed by bad.
One visit goes great and the next is a struggle.
You don’t hear from them for days and you don’t know whether to feel good or bad.
That emotional back-and-forth becomes exhausting.
Learn more about why this is an emotional roller-coaster
Families Usually Start Quietly Compensating
By no fault of their own, you will constantly do this during the in-between stage. You’ll slowly begin…
Find out why it’s not your fault
Usually it happens gradually enough that nobody initially realizes how much has changed.
Instead, eventually you notice and say…
“I feel like I’m helping all the time now.”
helping with finances
checking medications
repeating information
monitoring appointments
handling technology
or visiting more often.
People Often Feel Stuck
Because emotionally, there is tendency for a feeling of paralysis because you’re balancing two fears at the same time.
You fear you are…
overreacting
not reacting enough
lost because it’s too late to change anything
This is when people constantly wonder:
“Is this normal aging?”
“Should we already be having bigger conversations?”
“Are we imagining this?”
“What if things suddenly get worse?”
The fear and wonder creates emotional exhaustion and you begin to feel hopeless
Why Mom or Dad Often Resist Conversations During This Stage
From their perspective, life is great, everything is manageable - they’re not forgetting anything, the house is in good shape, they think they can still drive
The fact of the matter is, conversations can feel deeply threatening and their brain, in the in-between stage, allows them to maintain just enough independence to resist change
Therefore, there is no need for any conversations about…
senior living,
driving,
caregiving, and definitely not
safety
Simple Answer
They can because you’re likely doing the same
Do you know the science behind why they resist?
This Stage Can Last Much Longer Than Families Expect
Unfortunately, many people assume decline happens quickly. You may think that a doctor will notice something on a visit and diagnose them with something - Alzheimer’s, dementia, etc.
Their behaviors change and and go unnoticed for months or even years because you may not even know what you’re looking for
You may even be in constant monitoring mode. You’re always...
Watching,
Evaluating,
Second-guessing, and
Trying to determine whether life is stable or quietly shifting
What Usually Helps Most
Simple Answer
Slowing down, getting everyone on the same page, focus on their safety above all else
The healthiest approach during this stage is:
paying attention without panicking
discussing concerns early
documenting patterns
involving professionals when necessary
and focusing on manageable next steps instead of perfect long-term answers.
You don’t need to solve everything immediately. You must stop pretending nothing is changing.
Final Thoughts
The in-between stage is where most emotional exhaustion actually happens.
Surprisingly, exhaustion doesn’t happen during a crisis. Instead, the most emotionally exhausting part occurs during uncertainty.
That emotional tension is heavy, especially when love, responsibility, guilt, fear, and future decisions are all quietly tangled together.
Uncertainty forces people to live in two realities at once:
“Things are mostly okay.”
and
“Something clearly feels different.”
Too much time is spent in this stage because, eventually, you realize that your concern was never coming from nowhere.