Should My Parent Stay at Home or Move to Assisted Living?
I wish I had a Delorean!
I’d bet many medical professionals wish they had a crystal ball!
Every family deserves to have a genie. All of these things would help tell the future and, therefore, have a clear answer.
Unfortunately, I don’t have a stainless steel car, and doctors nor you can rub something to get an absolute answer.
Frankly, if there were a clear answer to this, most families wouldn’t feel stuck. Families feel stuck because this decision almost never shows up in a clean, obvious way. It is usually a slow build where no one knows.
At first, everything still technically works. They are
in their home.
in their routine.
proud people who are proud of their home and everything in it.
Over time, something shifts and it may not be safe for them to stay at home
Where the Question Really Comes From
It’s not usually, “Should they move?” Instead, It’s more like “Is this still working the way it used to?”
These questions are somewhat related, but are much different and even harder to answer.
What Staying at Home Still Offers
There is something about home that is natural to all of us. Our primal instincts are to have a home. It offers comfort and stability, something everyone needs.
Why, then, are we considering taking someone who is or may soon dealing with memory issues and changing everything?
Staying where everything is known - te layout, the neighborhood, the rhythm of daily life. In many cases, with the right support, staying home can absolutely still work.
Where It Starts to Change
At some point, though, the balance starts to tip and safety becomes more of a concern. Routines and comfort do not come easily as they are aging and, in turn, take more effort. At this point, support becomes less optional and more necessary. This becomes complicated because the support available is often you, as their adult child. The fact that you may have your own children, your own job, your own life and these are not mutually exclusive.
The decision to stay in their home isn’t just about preference - it’s about sustainability for them and for you.
What Helps Make It Clearer
All of these things inevitably lead to more questions. It is important, then, to break down into smaller sections that are easier to swallow. I like to funnel them into 4 categories:
Is the home still safe now?
Is support increasing incrementally or exponentially?
Is the support you can offer limitless or are you eventually not going to realistically be able to continue?
Is your parent’s life better being at home or is your energy sustainable to provide the emotional and physical care you can offer sustainable just for the sake of a home?
Those answers tend to bring clarity faster than trying to force a yes or no.